How you make change
Life and motivational coaching is all about you feeling empowered to make the right choices so that you can move forward in life with optimism, enthusiasm and a feeling of more confidence.
So how do we know what choice to make and how do we implement these new choices into our lives?
You need a strategy
For any successful change to be made we need a strategy. I would like to discuss the word strategy as an analogy or simile if you will. A strategy isn’t a frightening word and should be considered to be like a road map. We know where we are, point A, and if we know where we want to go, point B, then all we do is follow the clearly defined roads to get there, the strategy. It doesn’t matter what or where you want to be, there will be a route, a way, a path that has been trodden many times before, giving you something to follow.
As I’m sure you are aware if we look at a road map we will see not just one road, or approach to our destination but many possibilities for you to choose. In our analogy of the road map as our strategies, all these different roads are all the many different life coaching and motivational techniques you have at our disposal. There are many such techniques to help us learn and reevaluate our lives and there isn’t one approach fits all type of style. Some of the exercises you may find a little to wishy washy for your taste, others however will resonate with you and motivate you to succeed.
The technique shared today is powerful and takes real courage, the results however will speak for themselves. The results from this exercises can identify possible limiting belief systems that might be holding you back from achieving what you desire. So stick with it.
Understanding your Value Systems.
A value system is a personal thing, no two people hold the exact same values, yes we have many similarities and share many common values and morals with others. As an example of how individual our value systems are, I would like to use the extreme yet simple example of killing. I think that you can agree with me that No killing is a good value to hold and not matter how you sugar coat it, to kill is wrong. However what maybe your and my values others may not share. And even the value of No Killing can been seen with many eyes in as many different ways. It seems ok for humans to kill animals and this is justified because we need food, however a vegan would wholeheartedly disagree. And it seems fair game to swat a pesky mosquito or fly that irritates us, yet to some this is still seen as killing and taking a life. As you can see each and everyone of us holds values personal to ourselves, and of course these can change as we grow older.
As your reading this do have any idea of some of your values that you hold dear to yourself? Perhaps you’ve never really given it much thought before?
So first of all what is a Value System?
A value system can be described as our own inner compass, a compass that judges what we believe to be morally right or wrong, good or bad and wether it is acceptable or not. We all know the feeling of compromising our values, when we say, do or even think in conflict with this personal value system it makes us feel bad, guilty and upset. On the other hand we also know what it feels like when we do, say or even think something in align with our core value system, it makes us feel positive, happy and leaves us feeling good about ourselves.
Your value system should be personal to you, and not because of what the media or society say you should have as a value, it is your personal view so there is no wrong answer. Your values can be emotional, mental, physical or even spiritual in nature.
By now I’m sure you can think of thousands of values, big ones as well as all those tiny little ones you have. What I want you to focus on is certain values you place on certain areas and aspects of your life. So we are going to be focusing on just five main categories in your life. What are your values with your Friends, family & loved ones? What are your financial values? What spiritual Values do you hold? What sort of values do you place on your health and fitness? and finally what are your work values?
Here are some examples of certain values within these five categories, just so you get an idea of the values we hold. Notice how all the questions start with “I Believe” this is a great way to get our minds thinking on the right track. If you also start “I Believe” then after a couple of statements just let your thoughts take over. Remember this is personal to you so there is never a wrong answer.
What are your values with your Friends, Family and Loved ones?
I believe in unconditional love for my family. I believe in mutual respect between partners. I believe it is my job to keep the family together.
What are your financial values?
I believe all rich people are idiots. I believe if I had lots of money I’d be happier. I believe Money is easy to come by. I believe finances frighten me. I believe I’m not very good with money.
What spiritual values do you hold?
I believe in a god. I believe what the Buddha taught. I believe all spirituality is airy fairy and for hippies. I believe in Karma and what goes around comes around. I believe in treating others the way you want to be treated.
What sort of values do you place on your health and fitness?
I believe in keeping a balanced diet. I believe in looking after my body with plentiful exercise. I believe I don’t eat well. I believe my body is a temple.
What Work values do you have?
I believe work to be just that, work. I believe work should be a fulfilling activity. I believe creativity should be high on the agenda for the work I do. I believe money is the most important aspect of my work. I believe in doing something that makes a difference for a job. I believe work is just for money.
Before you take a piece of paper and pencil to write some of your values running through your head right now. I want to make one point very clear. You are looking for your values that you hold dear to you. This is Not about what you think would be a good value, or a value you want to work towards in the future. This about the values you hold dear now. The reasons for this will become perfectly clear latter and trust me you will get far more benefit doing it this way around. So to clarify this all important point, we are looking for what you believe not what you should believe or want. What you believe Now!
Now grab a sheet of paper and pencil and write down the five categories leaving enough space in between for your answers. To remind you again of the categories I want you to focus on are: What Values do you Have for Your Friends, Family and Loved Ones? What are Your Financial Values? What Spiritual Values do you hold? What Values do you place on your Health and Fitness? And what values do you have for Work?
Now let’s have a look at your answers
Analysing your results
Before we examine your results, if you have actually done the exercise, I’m sure you are starting to see some of those limiting beliefs that you may have. The financial values questions always throws ups some interesting and sometimes some deeply ingrained core beliefs and values that defiantly hold you back.
Now we have the answers for the five fundamental categories, let’s take a look at them in a little more detail. If you have been truthful in your answers above, the results will be worth so much more than if you have been a little shy of that truth. A quick way to find out how truthful and accurate you have been with your answers is to add a percentage to each of those answers in turn. To get that percentage figure, ask yourself, truthfully, how much do I truly believe in this value? If the answers 10% that’s fine, if it’s 70% that’s also fine. As always there is no wrong answer with this exercise. Generally speaking the higher the number the more it means to you.
Once we have our list with our percentages along side, we can now really start to break it down and analyse it fully. You may be easily starting to recognise areas in our life where perhaps you need to improve. There maybe certain aspects you want to change and you may be beginning to see how certain values and core beliefs might be holding you back.
Now because this is a really deep and truly personal choice too what values you hold most dear, there are a million and one answers, and as such some of the examples I use below may align with your values, however some will not. If you find a strong disagreement arise inside you when reading some of the examples, ask yourself, does this apply to me?
Some of the limiting beliefs you may have
Values around Family, Friends & Loved Ones
I believe Family are the only ones that matter. This is too much emphasis one one group and will always end in disappointment. Friends are as equally important, sometimes more so. Especially if we have one or two really close ones. And sometimes family can be the ones that are holding us back.
I believe love is hard to come by. Love is something you freely give, how long that takes is entirely up to you. What has happened to make you feel this way? Has that happened every time or was it just the once? Love can be as easy as you want to make it, the choice is yours.
I believe it is my job to keep the family together. This can cause immense amounts of suffering and a very stressful value to have. It is no ones job to keep a family together, every family I have ever met has issues and problems. Including my own. And to take on the role as task master isn’t going to win any favours with anyone, unfortunately it only comes with abuse and no thanks. Ask yourself what would happen if I were to maybe drop my input so much?
Your Financial Values
I believe all rich people are idiots. There maybe a lot of idiots with money but there are also a lot of kindhearted ones as well. The choice is yours
I believe if I had lots of money I’d be happier. Happiness comes from within and not through a bank balance. Rich people have rich persons suffering and poor people have poor persons suffering. A middle of the road bank balance is way better.
I believe finances frighten me. There are plenty of courses to learn that are friendly and aimed at people like yourself. There is no need to be scared.
I believe I’m not very good with money. This is a very limiting factor. Ask yourself Why? What is it that makes you keep spending again and again?
Your Spiritual Values
I believe all spirituality is airy fairy and for hippies. Not all
Motivational and life coaches won’t help me one bit. Well if your reading this, then it means you are absorbed by what is being discussed and nodding along with it. If not you would have switched off a long time ago.
Most people are fakes who believe in this spirituality. There are many fakes around in life, everyone of us though is doing our best. No one spends their time on this planet deliberately trying to mess their life up. Everyone is trying to make the best choice for themselves and there families, those choices are made from the accumulated knowledge pass on or learnt. None of us are perfect. But then that would become boring.
Your Health & Fitness
I believe I can eat what I want. A balanced diet will look after your mind and body far better.
I believe fitness is something you have only when your young. I’ve known marathon runners that only started when they retired. I also remember a lady that climbed mountains in her 80,s Now that’s also not my thing, the secret is finding something fun that you enjoy doing, then the fitness naturally comes without feeling like it’s a strain or fitness plan.
Eating all this wholewheat stuff is only for hippies. Her it seems the hippies get there first most of the time. Wholewheat food are good for your heart and colestreall and if that alone should be enough to start eating them. We are all getting older. A healthy body a healthy mind.
Your Work Values
I believe work to be just that, work. Where’s the satisfaction in that? We are filled will so many choices today that it is difficult to know what career to choose. However if this is your belief then doing the same thing day in day out to pay for a mortgage and your kids wellbeing is going to cause major depression at some point. Life must have a focus, a real meaning and purpose for us to be happy, content and peaceful people.
I believe work is just for the money. Again the same advice is given as for the above belief. Work needs to be more than just money, it’s something we all have to do for a long time, if enjoyment can be found happiness will follow.
I believe my job sucks. Like a lot of people, perhaps you fell into your job and have sort of got stuck. What is it you want to eat doing? What would fulfil you? Maybe you have a mortgage and there is no way things will change. Impermanence is a law in life, all things change then change again. Everything is in a state of movement, never rule anything out. Change can happen at any age we just need the right determination.
The most important thing to understand with life coaching or motivational advice is that YOU have to do the actual work. I can show all the techniques and motivational advice I know, each one will help in some way or another. It is YOU however that must do the work, you must fill in the questions, with your answers. YOU must grab a piece of paper and pencil and ask those tricky questions.
Every successful person I have ever met has always had strategies to propel themselves forward. Every leading business man or successful leader looks constantly at there lives to make sure they are heading in the overall desired direction.
Nothing in this life comes without having to make some effort, when it comes to improving your life the more you put in, the more the rewards there will be, trust me I know from personal experience. And doing the hard work now pays dividends in the future.
*Dhamma Tāpasā is a trained former Buddhist Monk and the spiritual name given to Andrew Hallas. An inspirational positive life purpose & Empowerment coach who Teaches Meditation & mindfulness techniques through the art of his original moral stories. Dhamma Tāpasā is able to capture our imaginations whilst teaching us valuable moral principles and deepening our understanding of the human consciousness, motivating and inspiring us to face our everyday problems with a renewed energy and vigour.